SOME OF THIS MIGHT BE TOO GRAPHIC FOR SOME PEOPLE


Some of what shows up here is just crazy, even to me and I write it. I intend to share my Journal and things I've done while in, in and out patient programs.

Chronologically I'm 58 (fall of 2013). Experientially I'm older. Emotionally I'm somewhere between 3 and 12 most of the time. I live with stress pretty much all of the time. I often say, "I have a Street address in Stress Land."

As for the name "A Sound Track of Mind". A friend made a road tape called "Experimental or Just Plan Mental" so I made "A Sound Track of Mind". However I think it applies here because of the soundtrack in my mind and, having my mind on a sound (firm) track to run, walk, or crawl on.

The names I use may or may not be real. However my name isn't legally Robin Douglas. There may be some who read this who know who I am because I've been using the name for many years.

In a way my journal is written for my therapist, Jeanne. However, it is also one of the only ways I've found of constructively expressing my feeling with myself. It starts off very sudden because I started writing again to help with therapy. So your missing about 3 years of background. On Tuesday I bring in whatever I've written for the previous week.

Back in '85 through '90 I had written over 350 pages. I called it TEST as in "This is a test it is only a test". I call the new one Test. From 1991 to October 2013, I've written less than fifty pages in many fits and starts but, never being to be able to keep it up. Jeanne likes it because it gives her something to work with if I'm just chattering.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Week 26   -   2014-04-15 Tue.

2014-04-15 Tue.
Well I just erased the first quarter of a page not thinking of what I was doing. The first step of my three steps. Pay attention! Oh well. so what had I written? I don't really know enough to replicate it but I run it down.

I'm still in my not funk. Some of this is because I have to put in extensions for Pat's taxes again for the third year in a row. My own fault for not telling TIAA-CREF that Pat moved to Maryland. No beating myself over the head for this one.

I'm still watching a lot of video for all of me.

Though comedy to a very large extent is something I just don't understand. I get jokes, even understand funny real life stories. It's probably that I don't understand making TV shows or movies about such things. Though I do laugh at a lot of the humor the whole thing leaves me kind of hollow.

I think in part I started writing through a bit of guilt over not writing at all over the past week. And the week when Jeanne wasn't here on Friday. I basically did Pat's taxes (and finished them) on Friday to take my mind off of the fact that Jeanne wasn't here. Not necessarily the best tactic I suppose but it works for me. I guess adding it all together makes it easier to deal with than spreading it out.

I'm sure that having to deal with Pat's taxes is part of the reason I haven't gotten over the funk yet also.

So now I covered everything I erased and some, and I have about the same amount of text as I did before.

On Saturday someone on Trauma and Dissociation (Google+ Community) wrote, "I am feeling disoriented today." To which I replied. "What I do is take the day off as much as possible. Remember it's not procrastination in this case if you need the space." This is one of those things I figured out, or at reasoned to be true a long time ago.

This is the twenty-sixth week, I've been writing for half a year for the second time in my life. *¿*
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