SOME OF THIS MIGHT BE TOO GRAPHIC FOR SOME PEOPLE


Some of what shows up here is just crazy, even to me and I write it. I intend to share my Journal and things I've done while in, in and out patient programs.

Chronologically I'm 58 (fall of 2013). Experientially I'm older. Emotionally I'm somewhere between 3 and 12 most of the time. I live with stress pretty much all of the time. I often say, "I have a Street address in Stress Land."

As for the name "A Sound Track of Mind". A friend made a road tape called "Experimental or Just Plan Mental" so I made "A Sound Track of Mind". However I think it applies here because of the soundtrack in my mind and, having my mind on a sound (firm) track to run, walk, or crawl on.

The names I use may or may not be real. However my name isn't legally Robin Douglas. There may be some who read this who know who I am because I've been using the name for many years.

In a way my journal is written for my therapist, Jeanne. However, it is also one of the only ways I've found of constructively expressing my feeling with myself. It starts off very sudden because I started writing again to help with therapy. So your missing about 3 years of background. On Tuesday I bring in whatever I've written for the previous week.

Back in '85 through '90 I had written over 350 pages. I called it TEST as in "This is a test it is only a test". I call the new one Test. From 1991 to October 2013, I've written less than fifty pages in many fits and starts but, never being to be able to keep it up. Jeanne likes it because it gives her something to work with if I'm just chattering.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Week 21   -   2014-03-04 Tue.

2014-03-04 Tue.
For the past hour or so I've been thinking of continuing my take on awareness but, I've spent nearly half an hour getting this running. Partly because I had saved a file as plain text and then tried to open it with AndrOpen Office and it wouldn't do it. Very strange as I had saved it with AndrOpen. Then I opened my blank .doc (it's a template with a .doc extension) typed in the date and saved it. Then closed it to make sure it was doing right. AndrOpen seems to have gotten past this stage but, it will probably be a few more months before I take it for granted.

2014-03-08 Sat.
I had a rude awaking this morning. My main computer wouldn't go on line. The computer says the the Ethernet and Wi-Fi equipment are good but no matter what I do it won't connect. Of course I've checked all of the wires and everything else I can think of but... So I've been back and forth dis/re-connecting monitors so I'm not without a windows desktop. The only real problem is I have to wait for the backup to complete. Which at the moment is the only way other than using a SD card I can get anything off of it. The computer I'm replacing it with as my main system doesn't have a built in SD slot. So I have to copy to a SD put the SD into one of my laptops then transfer it over the my net. At the current speed the backup might take until Wednesday. Then I can take it to Micro Center where I have it under a three year warranty.

Some day’s it just ain't worth getting up. I can't say "getting out of bed" because I sleep on the couch which is where I sit at the computers. In a way this is a bad thing but, once I'm awake being in bed or not doesn't really mean much to me. I can't hide in bed unless I'm asleep. I do however read lying down most (99%) of the time. Now that I'm getting better at thumb typing I often lay here (yes I'm lying down) when I write also.

An interesting thing happened last Friday at Jeanne's. We had a very lax 'therapy' session. In less than forty-five minutes I went from talking about Joni Mitchell, seeing an opera at the Boston Pops at13, The Rolling Stones at 14 or 15, astrology, Carl Jung, my father and step father born within 5 days of each other both Aries, something or things I can't remember, Neil Young, and Andy Marrow who runs The Day Center. At the end of it all I said something to Jeanne about feeling like there was something that wanted come out but, I wasn't sure what if anything. Lastly I said something about that my last three therapists like(d) me. She asked if I knew why and I had to say because I'm likable of course. I'm not sure why but this made me laugh.

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