Week 5 - 2013-11-08 Fri.

2013-11-08 Fri.

All right, on Wednesday I got a letter from Social Security saying the my Medicaid was no longer paying my Medicare part B and, that my December check was going to be $210.00 short and $105.00 short every month there after that. Needless to say I was shocked because I had brought my Medicaid recertification paper work in on September 27 three days before it was due. It was too late on Wednesday to do any thing about it and, on Thursday I had to see Jeanne in the morning and take Pat to see Jenny in the afternoon. So I ended up doing it today, Friday. I was at the Medicaid office for three hours and forty-five minutes. It took around three hours before I got to see the first person and then got passed off back to the person who had given me the number I needed to see the first person. Then it took another forty-five minutes before the supervisor got contacted and, went off to figure out what had happened. I had to fill out the short form and sign it but, not date it. So it's entirely possible that my December Social Security check will still be short but, they should have it all figured out by January. Oh I also found out that I didn't need to go to Social Security to get a proof of income statement since they can check that directly with Social Security and I didn't need to bring in a copy of my bank statement either. However, I think that next year I will bring in both just to be safe. I did finally take some Xanax which I might not have before. I was so anxious that I couldn't sit down.

On a brighter note I found a letter from DC telling me I had to call in to recert on the phone for my food stamps dated 09/06/13. When I got home I realized I hadn't asked anyone about it. However when I called the number the woman told me that everything was fine and I'll be able to keep my food stamps for another year. I'm not sure that this out weights the time I spent there today but it did make me feel good. Next Year I think I'll go in early in September. Also next year I have to fill out the entire food stamps form all over again but maybe they will let me deal with it at the same time as I do my Medicaid recert. Even if I only have t do this stuff once a year it is still one of the most anxiety provoking things I do in the course of a year.

Next time I think I'll bring the Samsung with me. I had my iPod Touch with me but my eyes started to get tired after about two and a half hours. The eye doctor says I'm left eyed which makes sense since my right eye is the one that gets tired or sore first, like what happened today. My eye was really sore kind of like it got pierced with something. Usually that only happens when I'm out in really bright light for an extended time.

Now to go in an entirely different direction. On Tue. I showed showed Jeanne (it was in Test) an excerpt from the "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" showing her how the Loonies talk. In thinking about it I think that sometimes I leave out words too, when I talk. I'm not sure but it's something to think about. It's kind of like when I say tomorrow but, what I mean is the next time I see you. So for example I might say on Friday "I'll see you tomorrow" and, what I mean is Monday. Maybe Jeanne or Jeanie can help me keep an eye on this. I know that I'm no where as bad as the Loonies at leaving out words when I talk. Still it could be part of reason why writing is so hard for me.

I'm having pizza for supper I figured I needed a treat after today. It's not really much of a treat since it' just regular Safeway brand pizza. However, I was saving it until after I did my blood work so my cholesterol would be lower. I'm not really worried about it since I'm not going to be an old man who can't get around any more.

Well, it's only 18:11 and I'm going to start reading and slowing down for the night. I've been having weird dreams since Wednesday night, gee I wonder why? Hopefully since I took care of the Medicaid thing tonight will be easier. Nighty night.

2013-11-09 Sat.

This is the second time I have tried to reconstruct a couple of paragraphs I have lost today. However, I know that at least the second time it was not my fault. For some reason TextMaker seems to have to check it license with “Play Music” the Google app store subscription music player from time to time and, for what ever reason It did it after I had rewrote those two paragraphs the second time. Part of the problem with this is that I don't like to leave the Wi-Fi on because it eats the battery up time (how long the battery has juice, this is not necessarily a recognized way of saying this). There is also a program called Play Music, a Google music subscription service, that wants to load every I boot or reboot and when I kill it , because I don't even think of using it, it seems to effect TextMaker. As for the first time I had to rewrite the lost paragraphs I'm not sure what happened. I saw the the little scroll bar count up to 100% before I closed TextMaker but, this apparently doesn't mean a lot sometimes. The only reason I knew that it happened the first time is I wanted to look at the other writing program and, Test is as good as anything else to do that with.

Anyway not that what I wrote was very important I was just sitting here and thought I would try writing. So here's pretty much what I wrote with one small addition about budget.

I just bought my cigarettes for December because I don't trust Medicaid to tell the Social Security about their screw up before then. I hope they arrive before I run out though as I only have roughly $140 for the rest of the month. The Indians are pretty good about getting them here in time but they were really late the last time, but since they were moving at the time I guess I'll cut them some slack.

In the process of writing that last paragraph I spent more than an hour researching the Tonawanda Band of the Seneca Indians. They of course who I buy my cigarettes from.

That is the end of the reconstruction for the second time

I think I'm going to be a bit paranoid for a while, saving this at the end of each paragraph or something like that. Though I know that's not going to last more than a few hours. Once I start really typing I just go until I need to take a breath, even though I get anxious because I have to go back and read it. I also get anxious I have to feel it all and get the words to come out right. Which slows down my thinking which is slowed down anyway because I have to spell each word as I type it. The problem of being a keyboardist instead of a typist.

Their is certainly one thing that has come of all these computer games. I'm still here writing. Though I think I'm starting to slow down.

I have discovered a strange thing about this keyboard. Even though the keys have basically the same proportional spacing as a full sized keyboard the missing keys really throw me off. My index fingers cross the typists center line more than they do on my ten inch netbooks (the small laptops). On a full sized keyboard it's seven point three inches from q to p inclusive, on the netbook it's six point nine inches (this is suppose to be a three-quarter keyboard) and on this keyboard it's almost six inches but, the Backspace, Enter and Shift keys are out of place. Since I use little finger to hit the Enter key I tend to move my right hand over so, t, g, and b are up for grabs depending on which hand is closer or, what the next or last letter is/was.

One thing that came to mind in the middle of all of that is though it's not really therapy kind of stuff. It is an exercise not only on how I think but, what I think is important.

Kind of like what I was talking with Jeanne about on Thursday the seventh. If it's not important to me I really don't care, the pizza or Chinese thing. It can become a boundary issue for others, and me sometimes, because some people are undecided and want the other person to decide, but they just say "what do you want" or "I don't know what do you want" and sometimes "but I want you to decide". Not, "I can't decide you decide". It's like other people can't believe that there is anyone who really doesn't care about as many things as me. Most of the time I don't think they can even figure out how frustrating it is, and I tell people about me and not caring all of the time. I've been told that my not caring is because I want to please others, I don't think so but, it could be true to some small extent. More likely it because it made no difference what I wanted when I was little but, I'm not even sure this is all of it. I eat and dress the way I do because it's easy and cheap. I was just thinking, if you want to go to Uno's or Chinese carry out I'll do carry out it's cheaper or, the other way around, a real Chinese restaurant or order pizza it's pizza again cheaper. In either case I'd be just as happy staying home eating frozen pizza, frozen entrees or stuff (fried ramen, eggs and veggies spiced to taste).

I just watched Olympus Has Fallen one of those heavy action movies with a happy and heart warming endings.

After it was over I saw that I had e-mail. My friend Mary who use to work with Marion and had long ago moved to Georgia answered and e-mail I had sent her on 2012-12-19 giving her my e-mail, address and both phone numbers.

So this is how on the ball I am: I am JUST sifting through 15k+ emails and reading this now!!!!! It was so good to hear from you, Bobby. Forgive me for not being very good about getting back to you and read nothing into it. Just not a great year at this end. Been to more funerals in 2013 than my whole life combined and it is really wearing on my outlook. Plus not feeling in the greatest of health. Hope you are well. Chat back when you can.

Mary from Maryland

Mary Smith

mom to Mel and Alex

I've known Mary since the early 80's and, some how we have managed to stay in some sort of contact. To be honest it was mostly on her side for the longest time because she kept me on her Christmas card list. Every few years I would call her, I think I e-mailed her one year with an address change. Last year in December I called her and we talked for half an hour to an hour and afterwards I sent her the e-mail with my "vital statistics" e-mail, address and both phone numbers. I haven't really thought about it since. What ever may come of our relationship Mary is my second longest friend. At one point she lived in Xxxxx, MD with her parents and I went up to visit her and, she told me that it would be a shame if I were to become a woman because I understood woman so well. Though she also said she wouldn't consider me a woman until I had my first period.

If I were to go down to visit her I know we would hug and a kiss and, we'd go out for beer or coffee and it would kind of be as if nothing had changed.

I kind of wish I were more into writing letters but their too static for me and, I can't see or her the other person so I kind of feel cut off from them. I'd rather talk on the phone at least I have more input than just the words. That's part of dealing with people that's a problem I need to at least hear them but better yet see them to really talk to them. I miss to much otherwise. I really depend on my extra senses. Yet Jeanie said the other day I can walk through a party and not be part of it. Kind of like tip toeing through a crowd.

Break time again, maybe for the night. It's getting close to 20:00 and I feel the need for down time again.