Week 11 - 2013-12-17 Tue.

2013-12-17 Tue. (2013-12-18 Wed.)

I going to try for a rewrite because I deleted what I had actually written.

I'm sitting in the waiting room at Jeanne's office writing this. This is something new for me as it is only the second time I've ever done this. While I have worked on other hand held devices, I've never worked something I was going to show my therapist.

Anyway, on my way in I noticed Jeanne's door was closed and the "in session" sign was hanging on the door knob. My first thought was that she has a new patient as she had had the 13:00 slot open before. Then it occurred to me that I had felt hurt or jealous that I was the second person she had asked to do her "the first word that comes to mind" test. This is kind of silly since she probably has something like twenty patients, so why would I be the first one she would think of. Then I sort of realized that who she picked wasn't really the important part here. Nor was it that I had realized about it, I've done that a bunch of times. It was that I really thought about it. That is something I hadn't done, maybe ever, before. Why should this silly thing hurt me. Because of what happened and how I was brought up. Because I never learned how to deal with this kind of stuff.

2013-12-18 Wed.

On my way home I thought about something Jeanne had said after she had read this. (Or at least the original.) She said something like life being hard or strange having nineteen brothers and sisters. My first thought was I glad I didn't grow up with that many. Even though I talk, or at least use to, about my mother being like a saint for me because she would rarely spent some real time with me. I was still low man on the totem pole. I was seven or eight before I had any toys that were mine alone, except for the white elephant the fan ate. I don't think it was because I wasn't given any, rather it was that I couldn't keep the others from taking them. Yeah kids should share and, I am a very sharing type but still. Anyway you can see I had enough to handle with only four brothers and sisters, I don't even want to think about nineteen. I think it was said at least partly as a jest, I think but, it was a scary none the less.

Somewhere in the middle of that I went to make tea and thought of something else about Tuesday but, I didn't make a note of it so it's gone. I was then thinking it's time to go tea shopping. I have a minimum of eight teas I keep on my shelf at all times, right now it's eleven and, sometimes thirteen or fourteen. Sometimes I think one would do it but, then I realize that I often realize that I've got something different now than I did an hour or two ago and, I happy for a moment. Oh those small joys in life. I don't drink real tea as in tea leaves. I drink herb and fruit teas and some others like licorice, lemon ginger and ginseng.

2013-12-19 Thu.

It's only 19:40 and I'm ready for bed. I was up really late last night trying to get Sammy to talk to Windows. So far no luck, Windows just don't like Sammy. I was doing live chat with Samsung and they had me do a total wipe. Poor Sammy was brain dead there for a little while, on top of being rejected by both George (Win 7) and Mary (Win 8.1). Little guy had a really bad day. On top of all that he lost three games, a cheap Uno, a Bejeweled clone and Dominos. Anyway Sammy still can' talk to the big guys and, I'm to beat to deal with Samsung tonight, maybe tomorrow. Gee if it weren't for Little, Sammy might not have any friends. (hee hee)

Hey if your going to anthropomorphize ya gada do it right.

So anyway. The Uno and Dominos were no big loss but I kind of liked the jewel game. I found a better Dominos I think but, I haven't figured how you're your suppose to exit the game properly. So I've been dropping out (going back to the desktop) and and killing ("Force Quit" on a Mac "End Task" on Windows) it.

I seem to be in a real playful mood tonight. It'd kinda be a waste to go to sleep early. I'll just lie down and see how long I can keep going, before I fall out. Between last Sunday/Monday (the 36 hour run) and last night, I think I might be getting old. Be a real shame to let that happen. I'm not old enough to be getting old but, who knows. I don't know but, some people think I'm crazy. An interesting non sequitur and, I didn't even have to think about it.

I had to go to Google to spell non sequitur so of course I came across the comic...

2013-12-20 Fri.

I decided earlier (I've been up since roughly three thirty, though I did get over six hours sleep) that I'm changing the way Test works for the next eleven plus days. Since I won't see Jeanne for eleven days after today I'm going to bring this in today rather than hang on to it for what would be two weeks. I'll probably have a small book by the time I see her again so... Besides some of it's funny and I want Jeanne and ergo myself to enjoy it. That ones not a non sequitur I really enjoy making people laugh.

Though I enjoy making people laugh I don't think I would ever become a comedian. I heard a clip from a show George Carlin did, a heckler in the audience was getting to him one night and George said (I'm probably paraphrasing) "Hey asshole shut-up I trying to make a living here." If that wasn't how he started it was how he ended, saying something like "After the show we can discuss it in the ally." or "I'll come down and beat the shit out of you." It was a couple of years ago but the strange part is from everything I've heard and read George is an easy going guy. He was the narrator for Thomas & Friends, the kids show from '91 to '95. There a serious quote from him I'm trying to find. If I do I'll attache it. Found it.

Anyway. This is one of those things I wouldn't do because I would probably become cynical and, then it wouldn't be any fun.

I know that I won't have any problems dealing with the next week and a half but, I don't want to. Too bad the world isn't fair. Then I could honestly scream, IT ISN'T FAIR. It isn't about fair though it's about what happened to me and how I learn, or try to, to deal with it.

Well time to go.