Week 4 - 2013-10-29 Tue.

2013-10-29 Tue.Today at Jeanne's we listened to Joan Armatrading's Merchant of Love and, Jeanne asked me what a Merchant of love would look like.  My only answer at the time was someone who's psychic.  But on the way home I was thinking about it.  My first thought was God but what God, however, that made it too complicated.  Then decided maybe a fairy like creature but, when I got home I remembered in an episode of “Once Upon a Time” (the TV show) the character Regina (the mirror mirror witch) meet up with a fairy who brought her to her on true love (Regina was to scared to talk to him though).  However, I still like the fairy idea best.  Not necessarily a Tinker Bell type of fairy but an ethereal being with some kind of magic.  It wouldn't have to be female either I mean look at Eros or Cupid, though their really one and the same (Greek and Roman).  I'm thinking older grandmotherly or grandfatherly like and, they would have a contra-alto or contra-tenor voice, deep but soothing.  However, I still don't know that I could draw the picture.  For one thing it would take too many tries to find the feeling which of course would change every time I started a new picture.  It just occurred to me maybe something more like a gnome as in The Book of Gnomes, small friendly people.

Well I was playing with a different writing program, Kingsoft Writer, and decided I don't like it.  The thing that really turned me off about it is <Ctrl + arrow> only moves a character a time rather than a word at a time.  Though this program, SoftMaker's TextMaker has similar problems their easier for me to deal with.

I wrote to Kingsoft the, other company, and asked if they could fix the Android version of their program.  They also make a Windows version that uses <Ctrl + arrow> properly.  So maybe they'll fix it and I`ll start using Kingsoft Writer instead of TextMaker.

There are two reasons why I write about computer stuff in here 1) is that it is on my mind and I do have feelings about it and 2) it keeps me at the keyboard .  It really gets irritating when I'm trying to write something and I can't move the cursor around easily.  Even when I write on the computer I often leave out words or parts of words so I have to read everything after I write it to make sure it makes sense.  Yeah I could just use the mouse or stylus but, I know how to use the keyboard so well that it's often easier not to take my fingers off of it.  As Jeanie puts it I'm a keyboardist rather than a typist.  Besides I don't need any help getting revved up I can that pretty well all on my own.

I was talking to Jeanie tonight and she asked if I fall in love with my therapists.  I said no and then realized I should send her a copy of Test 2013-10-17 about when I said to Jeanne "If I weren't so intelligent I might fall in with you".  Jeanie understood the whole thing but, more importantly was that she said she was glad that I was writing Test again.  She's the only person who has read most of it, there have been a few bits and pieces over the past twenty years that no one but, I has seen.  Some of it I don't even have anymore but, I'm only missing, at the most, five pages or so.

Sometimes it amazes me how much I want to write but, just can't for any number of reasons. I think I know I have a need to get this stuff out no matter how many times I write about the same things.  When I do write about the same things I'm usually in a different place each time so it's not quite like whining about them over and over.  I've been going through my old Zaurus files to make sure I've gotten all of the little Test stuff off of it.

I so wish that thing still worked, I could thumb type on it. I wouldn't need this thing, though I'd still probably have it.  I always need new toys.

2013-10-31 Thu.
Sometimes Test gets to be just a list in detail of different things I do during the day.  Such as now, I just finished uploading most of my books to the Samsung. That a total of 4,967 files many more than the number of books (novels) and stories (short stories or novellas) I have and, 127 directories far fewer than the number of books and stories I have.  It all gets very complex because I have some directories that have all the stuff of that particular author that I have and, some directories may have more than one copy of a book because I'm too lazy to go through and decide which one I want (and I have the space to do it).  However, some of the files are only part of a book, many HTML books have one chapter per file.  Also my book reader (FBReader) will read books directly from .zip files, though I don't know what it will do if I have more than one book per .zip.  After I got done I realized I did the transfer the hard way using, a web browser instead of just taking the memory card and putting in  my big computer.  I must admit though I spent most of the time renaming directories because Android doesn't like commas in directory names yet, it doesn't seem to mind the in file names.

I Just watched the 2012 movie version of Les Misérables with Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, and Amanda Seyfried.  It's rather strange I don't usually go in for musicals or operas but I liked it.  I've seen the stage production of both Amadeus and Three Penny Opera at the National Theater and, I liked them too.

Now I'm talking to Jeanie because I told her about Les Misérables.  She had told me I really should watch it and, she was right.  Well Jeanie went off to watch the new Battlestar Galactica before she goes to sleep.  She has a long day tomorrow.

Well I'm going to go read.  Nighty night.

2013-11-01 Fri.
Just got back from Jeanne's.  It was kind of interesting, I showed her what I wrote about what a Merchant of Love would look like and, she liked it.

Sometimes I think I write this just so I can have a different form of expression.  While I do write like talk it's still different.  More than half the time I don't think when I talk.  I sort of just do it, kind of like when people say "how are you" or "is it hot enough" no real thought.  However, it's not the same when I do it.  Unless I'm chattering, there is always some kind of thought in what I say, only it's on a more subconscious level.  Actually in thinking about it I often think more consciously when I chatter than I do when I'm just having a conversation.  It's when I talk about important stuff that I really think about the words.  Which is kind of what happens when I write.  I have to make all of the words in my mind before they come out.  This is why it gets hard for me when I get emotional.  It's because I have to be sure I have the right words and, that they come out in the right order.  This how it works for me when I write because I have to go back and read what I've written.  It works better on the computer because I can type faster than I can write by hand but, I still lose words or hit the wrong keys or even don't type the whole word.  Usually though, I only have to read the last line or so.  However, last night when I wrote, "I've seen the stage production of both Amadeus and Three Penny Opera at the National Theater and, I liked them too." I had to rewrite it two or three times or, more, before I got it right.

One thing I have trouble with when writing is I don't like emoticons, so I don't use them but, I don't feel like I really express my emotions to their fullest extent.  Like earlier today when I wrote that Jeanne liked what I wrote about "Merchant of Love" I could have said "and, she liked it :)." or "and, she liked it, which made me feel good." or "made me feel happy".  For what ever reason I don't feel comfortable with any of those either.  I suppose if I were to write a real story, like for publishing, I'd have to use use one of the "made me feel" options, but since I don't use them in speech I don't use them when I write.

This brings to mind what could be called one of my social inaptitude.  Even though I didn't or, don't think I did, say thank you to Jeanne because she liked my "Merchant of Love", I do think that she noticed that I felt good about the fact that she did.  While I'm not bad about the more overt Please and Thank You's I'm not very good about the more subtle Thank You's.  I see the Thank You's in other people long before they say them most of the time.  So I think other people can too, so why all the extra words.  One of the things I like about  "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" is the Loonies language, they leave out a bunch of words when the talk.  It's not hard to understand them and, it's much more economical.  I mean why all the extra words if everyone understands what your saying.  I'm not sure but I think I do the same sometimes when I talk and, possibly when I write too, though probably not when I write because I'm more careful about writing than talking.  This is part of why I say "words and I have a communication problem".

Here's an excerpt form "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress":

I see in Lunaya Pravda that Luna City Council has passed on first reading a bill to examine, license, inspect -- and tax -- public food vendors operating inside municipal pressure. I see also is to be mass meeting tonight to organize "Sons of Revolution" talk-talk.

My old man taught me two things "Mind own business" and "Always cut cards." Politics never tempted me. But on Monday 13 May 2075 I was in computer room of Lunar Authority Complex, visiting with computer boss Mike while other machines whispered among themselves. Mike was not official name. I had nicknamed him for Mycroft Holmes, in a story written by Dr. Watson before he founded IBM. This story character would just sit and think -- and that's what Mike did.  Mike was a fair dinkum thinkum sharpest computer you'll ever meet.

I stopped after the first paragraph, said OK and didn't think about it again until the Prof. said something to Manie about don't talk Loony when they were on Earth.  For whatever reason I often can't remember that there are a lot of people who would have a problem with it, though I imagine most people would get use to it fairly quickly.  I don' know that I could write a whole book like this but, I don't have any problem reading it.
To me it's kinda-sorta like this thing Jeanie sent me:

If you can read this you have a strong mind:

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 70 PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,B3 PR0UD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.

I have never had to take more than a second glance to read that.  I'd think it would be harder to read in lower case, though I still don't have any problem with it.

7h15 m3554g3 53rv35 70 pr0v3 h0w 0ur m1nd5 c4n d0 4m4z1ng 7h1ng5! 1mpr3551v3 7h1ng5! 1n 7h3 b3g1nn1ng 17 wa5 h4rd bu7, n0w 0n 7h15 lin3 y0ur m1nd 1s r34d1ng 17 4u70m471c4lly w17h 0u7 3v3n 7h1nk1ng 4b0u7 17, b3 pr0ud! 0nly c3r741n p30pl3 c4n r3ad 7h15. pl3453 f0rw4rd 1f u c4n r34d 7h15.

In any event this is how I easily I see read people.  Of course as I keep on saying it's not a conscious reading but I do perceive when people will say thank you and so forth.  Sometimes it's ridiculous at how long it seems to take before some people know their angry.  I'm not really sure but, I think it's pretty easy to read me.

There's another (anti)social thing I do/don't do that bothers Jeanie, I don't use her name.  I figured this one out just now.  I often forget peoples names so I've taught myself not to use names.  It can get a bit weird/complicated sometimes but, for the most part even if I'm in a group I can make it work.

I'm back.

At one point I use to put the time in but, it got to be a pain because sometimes, like today, I would keep coming back with out really spending any time away.  Like earlier today I stopped a couple of times and played a game or two od cards or checked my e-mail, anywhere from five to 30 minutes, not long enough to track.

I've been listening my three favorite Joan albums.  Lots of memories, some of them spent doing what I'm doing right now.  Sort of bored but, not really, maybe better to say not knowing what to do with myself.  I've been reading for the past couple of hours or so.  I don't feel like watching video, in the crazy days I would probably be drinking but, in a relaxed way not from anxiety or, at least not to begin with.  Actually today I haven't really gotten anxious, a little maybe trying to figure out to write something or, at one point thinking I had written the wrong Jeanne or Jeanie.  I just relaxed and decided to let it go because I know it's going to happen one of these days.

Well these last two paragraphs only took about 50 minutes to get out so maybe I should go back to reading.  Be sides when I'm reading the fruit flies don't bother me.  I have three or four hundred stuck to fly paper dolls in the kitchen and their almost gone.  I'm hoping it gets really cold some night and they all die because I left the door to the porch open.

2013-11-03 Sun.
I did go through and check the Jeanie/Jeanne's and, I did have four to six of them wrong.

2013-11-04 Mon.
Well I've spent most of yesterday and today playing with Ruby (programming language) and, in the process have reinstalled all kinds of .pdf software.  I found a bunch of free Ruby books and other stuff, they also sell programming books but their prices are higher than I'm going to pay.

These damn .pdf programs are going to drive me crazy.  I have a pdf creator from Corel, two creator versions from Nuance and two or three readers and, none of the are what I want.  I may have found one I can work with.  It's better than the rest so far.  No the last one while a little better than the rest still isn't what I was hoping for.  O'Well.

Good night.