SOME OF THIS MIGHT BE TOO GRAPHIC FOR SOME PEOPLE


Some of what shows up here is just crazy, even to me and I write it. I intend to share my Journal and things I've done while in, in and out patient programs.

Chronologically I'm 58 (fall of 2013). Experientially I'm older. Emotionally I'm somewhere between 3 and 12 most of the time. I live with stress pretty much all of the time. I often say, "I have a Street address in Stress Land."

As for the name "A Sound Track of Mind". A friend made a road tape called "Experimental or Just Plan Mental" so I made "A Sound Track of Mind". However I think it applies here because of the soundtrack in my mind and, having my mind on a sound (firm) track to run, walk, or crawl on.

The names I use may or may not be real. However my name isn't legally Robin Douglas. There may be some who read this who know who I am because I've been using the name for many years.

In a way my journal is written for my therapist, Jeanne. However, it is also one of the only ways I've found of constructively expressing my feeling with myself. It starts off very sudden because I started writing again to help with therapy. So your missing about 3 years of background. On Tuesday I bring in whatever I've written for the previous week.

Back in '85 through '90 I had written over 350 pages. I called it TEST as in "This is a test it is only a test". I call the new one Test. From 1991 to October 2013, I've written less than fifty pages in many fits and starts but, never being to be able to keep it up. Jeanne likes it because it gives her something to work with if I'm just chattering.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Week 2   -   2013-10-08 Tue.

Week 2
2013-10-08 Tue.
Well I won't be doing my laundry again today. Jeanne and I ended talking about anger which, as we all know, is something I have a lot of trouble with. Most of the time just talking about it can get me going, anxiety. In any event I'm in no mood to deal with some of the people who hang out in the laundry room. It's not that I would ever tell them their stupid or, for that matter say anything to them but, I would want to.
2013-10-10 Thu.
I was going to write yesterday but, I was feeling so cranked up that I took the easy fix and started watching Continuum.
I lost a couple of paragraphs again today. Fortunately there wasn't a whole lot there this time. I'm going to have to get use to this thing soon. I know some of it is because of the auto save function, which I just turned off. So here it is more or less.
2013-10-15 Tue.
Well this is kind-a-sort-a a self-imposed guilt trip. It's not that there isn't anything to write about, we all know that's true.
Thursday was Jeanne and then Pat at Jenny's. Friday was the tax people, who couldn't see us until today tax extension day. Yesterday (Monday) was Pat Jenny's again. Lastly today, I have to be at the tax people with Pat at 14:30 and, then see Jeanne at 19:30.
This is of course the short version, there was some, a lot, of anxiety and all of that kind of stuff. It just occurred to me that when I spend time with Pat I tend to get anxious, or I go flat. Yet, what can I do. I don't know whether I would call it love but, I really do care about her, despite the fact that she was/is as much as half of my problems, this is the truth.
Well I've taken care of Pat's taxes and, been home for over an hour and a half and this line is all I've written. Well this isn't entirely true I did do a little editing on the previous paragraph.
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